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Today’s story is about a friend (who wants to remain anonymous) and his battle and growth with Bigorexia without even knowing he had it.
Everyone seemed to struggle with being overweight but I had the opposite problem. I’ve always had a healthy relationship with food but I had such a fast metabolism I never put on any weight. In high school it was fine up to the point where everyone started to hit puberty, everyone grew tall and broad, yet, I remained the same. I was never that tall to begin with and didn’t get blessed with the tall gene I always felt inferior in a way to the other guys at school. It didn’t make it any better since I was in an all boys’ school. I was constantly bullied for being smaller, people would yell “You lil’ sissy boy”, which I’m sure they were half joking when calling me names as boys do but it doesn’t really make them acceptable. I would never get picked during sports and I’d pretty much end up eating alone at lunch every day.
One day I decided I was sick of people thinking of me as weak and small I started to eat a lot more, what we would describe now as a “bulk” in an effort to gain some muscle. Then I found out in order to gain the muscle I had to work out, slowly I became obsessed with it, it made me feel…I guess masculine…everyone was noticing that I was getting bigger and it felt good. I began to add protein shakes in the mix then mass gainers, BCAA, creatine, beta-alanine, you name it I tried it. It became an obsession I would bulk then shred the fat, bulk then shred the fat and it was an endless cycle. I would spend endless hours at the gym, some days I remember working out for 2-3 hours at a time. At one point I even thought about using steroids. Eventually I got into university and made new friends, my confidence in my body went up so I started to gym less and eat more of the things that I wanted. I was in a more positive environment and that really helped. I never would’ve thought it would be considered an eating disorder, I didn’t even know bigorexia was a thing! It feels really surreal to look back on it and kind of scary, honestly, to experience the bullying and, as a guy, be forced to just take it.